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Hello, California? Party of One…

I left the state for the weekend. I had to. Watching others show off their pandemic coping skills now that it's summer--hiking, boating, lake play, poolside lounging, open air shopping and dining--leaves a girl bereft of cheer. Girls that live on the surface of the sun are doubly locked in. COVID plus heat was supposed… Continue reading Hello, California? Party of One…

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Blame The Thighs…

Writing suffers in the time of Coronavirus. Unlike Gabriel Garcia Marquez and Love In The Time Of Cholera, I don't become more determined, undeterred by obstacle. I blame my thighs. Thigh growth and spread engulfs all in its path leaving little couch room for even Skittish Tabby. He looks at them, eyebrow raised, "What the… Continue reading Blame The Thighs…

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Lazy Takes On A New Level…

I have been known to wrangle the remote with whatever is nearby. My first and second toe have amazing grasping ability. I turn my couch cushions every week to fool visitors into thinking there's not a permanent butt indention. Lazy has never had anything on me. My spirit animal is the sloth. If I could… Continue reading Lazy Takes On A New Level…

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The King of All Things…

Tiger King. Even those with superior Netflix skills, who believe we've seen everything, were unprepared. Lovers of documentaries? There is none better. Dolls with a love for murder mystery? Check, check and check. Even Oldest Chicken, who believes nothing and takes skepticism to a new level, sent a simple text. "That chick totally fed her… Continue reading The King of All Things…

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Thoughts From The Shower…

Reddit, that arbiter of all things Internet has a sub called, "Shower Thoughts." As a bath girl my first reaction was, "Who knew?" Not that I've never had profound hit me in the face in the shower, I've just never thought to collect them. And most of the time, they involve published books so there's… Continue reading Thoughts From The Shower…

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Who Does The Heavy Lifting?…

Some days it's about the heavy lifting. Guys and chicks are not the same. Argue all you like but girls rarely belch the alphabet and guys generally don't wear thongs, regardless of worries over panty lines. Hauling the Christmas tree from the garage and a new license plate bring it home. I jostle and lift… Continue reading Who Does The Heavy Lifting?…

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Becoming A Dude…

I'm becoming a dude. I have a cold. I may be dying. It really is just sniffles, sore throat and aches. Standard cold stuff. My brain signals death is eminent. And then it hits me. In my old age, I'm becoming a dude. You might be too. Think about it. Ten, not to mention twenty,… Continue reading Becoming A Dude…

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Five Year Plan…

In a job interview. "Where do you see yourself in five years?" What flashes through my head: On the beach in St. Barths, thin enough to be wearing a bathing suit with the wispiest of coverups, Pina Colada at the ready, flanked by a blue-eyed semi-stranger. What comes out my mouth: A spiel about love… Continue reading Five Year Plan…

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She Just Keeps On Giving…

"Basically, my radiation ate your thyroid." It's the radiation oncologist. "Actually, it usually happens before now." Cancer...she just keeps on giving. Do I cheer mine lasted longer under the radiative onslaught that devours female thyroids? Can we get a hip-hip? Actually, I'm happy with the news. As all the cancer girls know, when something is… Continue reading She Just Keeps On Giving…

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Eat Pizza and Annoy Men…

For some reason this little tidbit, circulating for a while, only just hit my desk. Biological chickens of the female variety have a private Instagram called, "Gals," in which we exchange interesting fare we find searching about when we're supposed to be working. Calm down bosses, it's brain food. Yesterday, Middle Chicken sends a photo… Continue reading Eat Pizza and Annoy Men…