Fall Fashion Is Around The Corner, Non?…

Above 105 degrees, this delicate flower takes to a comfy chair and studies fashion. What else is there to do? Watch my hair expand in the humidity? Risk sweating?

On the surface of the sun, even running to the grocery involves underboob sweat and possible mascara melt. It’s the search for the perfect bra that stumbles me onto what’s coming for fall. Yes, I did find some lovelies for underneath it all, but I’m just too wilty to go to the mall. The mall and I? We don’t care for each other. It’s too people-y. In a past life, I was a rock star for whom they closed the stores so I could whisk in and out unbothered by lines, crammed dressing rooms and the thought of others trying on bathing suits before me. Pfft.

Perusal of fall’s offerings stirs up opinions–of course it does. The shoes are hideous. Pant suits are making a comeback–this could be fun. Feathers and tweed and trenches make the heart beat faster and red is the wow of fall staples. This girl will be adding an amuse bouche or two to the sheath collection.

Velvet, not seen in a few years, is the go to for formality. It makes for fab holiday pics and a black velvet tuxedo decorated with ropes of pearls makes for quite the party entrance.

Feathers are offered up for fun; both festive and otherwise. Who can argue with a good feather, be it latched onto a bag, a hat or as dress trim. How about cuffs and collars. Squee-worthy and so, so girly. Fur adds its loveliness to collars as well. Nary a coat is minus a collar in which to bury your face on a wintry night. Faux, of course. We’re not barbarians.

Fringe is making its comeback. Let’s hope it’s in the 20’s style. We can whisk into parties breathless from our last soiree and dance on tables showing off what fringe does best.

Political slogans are on shirts. What are we, twelve? If you must wear your political preferences emblazoned across your chest, you simply aren’t ready for fashion my doll. Buy it oversize and wear it to bed, if you must. Hint: Grown-up women have no use for t-shirts. Think about it.

Gilt: both silver and gold, but more gold, depending on who’s talking. General rule: Choose whichever lights up your face. You’ll know when you try it on. If in doubt, go with black and you’ll have the frock forever. Invest in a gold or silver scarf and bag instead.

Can we talk shoes? Disappointment reigns. Garish prints, oddball heels and clunksters galore filled runways in February. It can’t be true we’ve forgotten clunky shoes make clunky girls. Designer dresses don’t pair with a Frankenstein stride. Just won’t happen. Ever. Trust me. I’ve watched this one come and go before.

In the down times, when shoe offerings are sparse and designers forget themselves, it’s best to ride out the season replacing pumps and choosing your own flair. Bows ala Kate Spade. Ribbons ala Tory. T-straps ala whoever that genius is and our fashion staple that never disappoints: non-platform, pointy-toe stilettos to instantly glam up every leg. The one retaliation for a bad shoe season dahlings? Don’t buy. Can you hear me pouting?

Pouting aside; I am plotting fall fashion hors d’oeuvres to compliment the main dish. You know it will be a sheath dress. Perhaps some fur trim? Feathers? At least it won’t be an unfortunate shoe.

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