Clowns In Town…

Clowns are terrorizing a South Carolina town. Terrorized too strong a word? Nope. Clowns aren’t just randomly falling out of Volkswagens in large groups or riding around on bicycles far too small for their bodies. They are recreating everyone’s nightmare–trying to lure children into the woods.
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Their plan demonstrates their level of intelligence. Who thinks kids will follow clowns? Where did these guys grow up? Obviously not in America where clowns hold a spot on the top ten list of frights. They’ve always been on my list. Ringling Brothers offered fascination galore with its lion tamers and elephant tricks. But the second the clowns came out to play, myself and little girls across the nation nearly peed our pants and held tighter to the hands of our fathers.
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These men, and perhaps women, in painted faces and oversized collars are attempting to lure children into the woods behind an apartment complex. Other more reputable clowns have come forward to defend the good name of clowns.

Apparently unaware clowns don’t have a good name, the other clowns are feeling slighted, upset that this group is using clown goodness for evil. The point missed by both sides? Clowns are scary as hell.

No candy, treat or even a kitten could have lured this little girl into the woods with a clown. I may have found a way to lure the kitten from the taloned clutches of the face-painted human in brightly colored pajamas; but go with him? Not on your life.

To be sure, many who don the multi colored parachute pants, ruffly shirts and ridiculously big shoes have good intentions. They provide joy somewhere but had I been a sick child in the hospital and a clown moseyed in; there would have been calls to revive the patient.

So far, the clowns in South Carolina have created havoc and scared the hell out of everyone but have not hurt anyone. There are no reports of children actually lured, hurt or snatched. Reports are only of enticement.

A woman reported that on her way home from visiting neighbors, a clown stood under a street lamp. She waved and he waved back. It was around one thirty in the morning. She waved? Had to be a reaction to her unimaginable fright. My reaction? A swift end to wine with the neighbors and new locks on the doors. After I peed my pants and wished for my dad.

Hopes are these guys are caught. The fact that no kids have gone willy-nilly into the woods points to the good sense of American children. It starts with Ronald McDonald and escalates from there. Now, if these were just ordinary guys with happy meal prizes we may have tragedy at hand. Yes, indeed, it is a blessing when criminals are just that dumb.

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