Horizontal Pleasures…

9:34 PM

Two chickens are accounted for this Thanksgiving. The other is cross country saving the world; prosecuting one criminal at a time. She will be home for Christmas. She’d never miss our favorite holiday tradition. We get more pleasure from movies than just about anything else you do horizontally. The season gets a jump start tonight with Baby Chicken. While I decorate, Scrooged plays in the background.

I forgot how cute Bull Murray was back in the day. And how mean Frank Cross is in this movie. And how scary the effects were for the time. Death gives me quite a fright and Frank’s boss arriving seven years dead with flesh falling in pieces is kinda gruesome. Enough for Baby Chicken to say, “This is really kinda grossing me out.” Besides it’s filled with 80’s fashion, so there’s that.

A list is in order. The best holiday fare for duchess types. Bake some brownies or better yet, mix up a cocktail or two and get horizontal. These offerings don’t disappoint.

Miracle on 34th Street. The original, from way, way back. The updated version with Elizabeth Perkins is not the same. Little Natalie Wood will steal your heart away. I never forget seeing this movie as a child and being absolutely blown away at the end to find Santa is, indeed, real. So there.

Christmas Vacation. No holiday is complete without the nonsense of a squirrel in the Christmas tree, crazy grandparents and Chevy Chase before any of us knew he was kind of an asshole. The lights on the house is worth the two hour investment. Clark Griswold really is everyone’s dad. And it’s a throwback to the days when people got holiday bonuses big enough to buy a pool.

The Holiday is right up there with the sweetest of holiday fare. I can’t put my finger on why I love this movie so. Jack Black is a honey. Snow filled London countryside threatens to steal the heart away. The gorgeous Jude law as Napkin Man reminds us men with children are hot, hot, hot. And the theme of switching homes with someone in another country makes for the perfect adventure.

You must watch Elf for no other reason than Will Ferrel’s ability to belch longer and louder than humanly possible exclaiming, “Did you hear that?” No one in my house can keep a straight face including an uptight duchess who has never belched in her life. Ferrel makes us believe an elf could walk amongst us eliciting smiles every year. Besides everybody wants a big brother to pelt neighborhood bullies with snowballs.

It’s A Wonderful Life is the classic that dares you not to cry regardless of the number of times you’ve seen it. The thought of a world without George breaks the heart every time. It touches on those universal feelings of under appreciation. If there’s one thing everyone deserves during the holidays, it’s a glimpse into how very empty the world would be without each and every one of us. Kudos to Capra and this masterpiece.

Love Actually is a favorite. So much so, I must remind myself it is a holiday movie. The stories, interwoven into each other with rich characters, real and ragged, is touching. A wife telling her husband that his flirtation with another woman diminishes not just him but everything she’s given to their life is heart wrenching. Liam Neeson grapples with widowhood but the film is neither sad nor maudlin. It is a study in human connection, including a Prime Minister dancing about 10 Dowling, loving a woman with big thighs. Le Sigh.

So, my dolls, put on your flannel jammies. Get horizontal with your sweeties and enjoy. And guys–if you come home with one of these, she’ll make it worth your while. Promise.