Unless You’re a Snark Master…

9:51 PM…eighteen days…

It was a tough week for celebs on twitter. Unfortunately, they asked for it.

Nary a peep from the Bill Cosby camp on last week’s disaster. He asked fans to tweet 2014-10-27 20.06.49memes of him; forgetting the twitter generation has no clue who the hell he is. No doubt the assumption was fans of Dr. Huxtable would spew forth. Perhaps Jello pudding fans? Rape allegations about Cosby were not taken into account, prompting the alleged victim to come forward again. Can you say PR team? Yikes.

Those of us of a certain age tweet because business demands it–pr, media, news reporting. Generally, twitter is a young person’s game. They are masters at lol-ing, rofl-ing and poking fun, leaving pokees ignorant of insults. Besides, when you’re over thirty, what you had for breakfast isn’t all that interesting. Don’t fret. It will be again when you’re eighty.

Which brings us to Kim K, a woman famous for showing the world her anus. You gotta give a girl credit–take what you’ve got and run with it. Who knew there was money in ani? Bleached or not–there’s not enough money. Her latest fame grab is to “blow up the internet” with photos of her Jessica Rabbit body. We now have irrefutable proof that ass is fake. If Kris Jenner’s child was born with that ass, she would have chopped that thing off faster than a pair of Dumbo ears.

You’ve not seen my dears? Oh, get thee to the internet. You may never drink bubbly again. Pray to God it was not French. Clothing removal reveals an ass that could feed a small village, oiled to rival the spill of the Exxon Valdez. Slick is a misnomer. It is a slip and slide come to life to scare all the neighborhood children. Twitter blew up in response.

“We landed a comet on Kim K’s butt.”

“KK is shaped like a machine in a Dr. Seuss book.”

“Was that her xmas card?”

Another tweeted the girl obviously was never schooled in the importance of mystery. How is she to know any better? It is her mother who escorted her to the Playboy mansion to gush over an elderly perv wearing pajamas. Two things are left out of commentary. Neither the hideous topknot nor the affront to pearls is mentioned. Words fail me.

Kim K’s got nothing on poor Dr. Oz. Did we all not love him on Oprah each week? He showed us healthy and diseased lungs, schooled us on omentum and the need to eliminate the disgusting, gelatinous bag of fat surrounding our waistlines. He espoused the health benefits of frequent sex amongst married couples. Singles, evidently, remember to take care of their sexual needs. Married people behave like Scarlett O’Hara; “Tomorrow is another day.” This was used by more than one bored housewife to temper an overworked husband. Not me. Pfft.

In recent years, however, he endorsed some questionable dieting techniques and products. So when he tweeted asking followers for questions, the backlash against the good doc was vitriolic.

“Is it true you got into medicine because it was too hard to form your own cult?”

“Is butter a carb?”

“Is snake oil gluten free?”

Poor thing. At least he has a lot of sex to keep his spirits up.

The lesson? Unless you’re a snark master, can sum up a gem of a thought in 140 characters or less or you want to show your orifices to the world, stay away from twitter. Just sayin’.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s