The Bitch is Back

A public twitter reprimand can piss a girl off. That girl might be me. I may have been admonished, publicly, in the twittersphere, by an agent. I may have turned a shade of scarlet at the rebuke, but girlfriend does not fully realize with whom she’s messed. She dissed a widow. We are a group of chicks with whom one should not trifle. Pack up your marbles. Step out of the ring. Widow girlfriends have lost everything and are afraid of what? Nothing. We have lived life’s worst nightmare. Your superior remarks frighten me? Pfft. Don’t ruffle the feathers of a widow on a mission bitch. You’ll sizzle with my friend the devil; the one I’m flipping off?

Backstory: remember my agent friend told me to get an audience and I could present that and get the book published? So as I write all the time and post and post and post, I also tweet. I have run into lots of agents, authors, and other bookish types on twitter and they send me to other writer, author, agent and literary types. I send 140 character messages requesting they take a look at the blog and pass it along. Point being–grow an audience, get the damn book published.

Evidently, I twitter landed on the wrong agent. She professes to be a cat lover. Liar. Don’t advertise yourself a cat person when you’re really just a garden variety beeaach. I tweeted her. She tweeted: “Don’t send a query as twitter spam. Bad form.” I tweeted back, bitchy myself, “Not a query. If I wanted to query you, I would have.” For those not in the know, a query is the first step–a writer sends a query to an agent asking for representation, outlining the project, blah blah blah. I sent to her because she’s an agent. She may, on some off chance, being an agent and all, enjoy reading, know other readers and we can grow the damn audience. Miss Thing believes herself so important, she took the tweet as me sending her a sideways query.

I’m starting to understand how LeeAnn Rimes ended up in a twitter war and some sort of rehab due to the stress. Although LeeAnn is a bit of a cuckoo and should take her lumps for stealing someone’s husband. I, however, cannot get this snarky nastiness off my mind. Is it my OCD kicking in? On top of everything else, her comment was rude and I responded rudely, which is bothersome. Most of the time.

Made me wonder about our general hostilities toward each other and whether we need a list of tips concerning proper social treatment, online and off. Now that we’re never unplugged seems business does not take a minute off and lines continue to blur. I cannot remember the last day I did not work at one of my jobs. Sunday has become a day to do your second or third job. I feel plunged back into mother of toddlers days.

So, the tip list for how to not be a bitch in business. If that’s possible.

Tip One: When a bitch reprimands you publicly on twitter, take the high ground. Use me as your example “don’t.” My retort took about two seconds and I’m still fuming a week later. Get over it girlfriend. Some women, especially those from that large city, who believe the world does in fact revolve around them, wouldn’t know a manner of it bit them in the ass. They need our pity not our snark.

Tip Two: Manners are based on having regard and feelings for others. Having feeling and dignity for others is at the root of all human interaction in business and otherwise. Snarky New York agent didn’t get the memo. Regarding both my dignity and my feelings–snuffed. Bitch.

Tip Three: On twitter, email and all things cyber, we should remember we are basically in public so probably shouldn’t say things we’ll be ashamed of later. Don’t be mean. Everyone will know. In addition to twitter Miss New York Agent, now everyone who reads my blog knows of your mean streak. And as I will be world famous shortly, my wrath may become larger. I did stalk you, which I wouldn’t have if you were nice. I know your name. I will remember. I will send a lovely handwritten missive when I top the bestseller list and remind you that, indeed, you may have been in on the riches, except for those pesky manners of yours. Tsk-Tsk.

Tip Four: Don’t tweet while drunk. Well, best to tweet only before five ‘cuz eventually those things are gonna get out. While some of us stand by our drunken ramblings, they may not serve well in the boardroom. Neither will not landing my book and having another agent soak up all those commissions.

Tip Five: You can never fully gauge who you’re up against. Underestimate opponents at your own peril. Like when you publicly reprimand a widow author and suggest she used “bad form.” Reprimanding a widow with three children trying to put her life back together? Oh, poor dear. I feel so very sorry for you when your bosses find out, that without your snarky unkindness, your agency may have ended up with my book. Don’t worry I’ll remind them. It’ll be fun. And you picked on a widow. Bad form? Hmmm…

Tip Six: If you are in a position to help someone, always be the outstretched hand. It would be such a shame to be the wolf that bit the hand that feeds when my book is a gazillion seller. So sorry doll.

Aaah. Don’t we feel better now? The world is indeed back on its axis. We’ve had a manners lesson and we’ve put a bitch in her place. What a charmingly wonderful day. That damn pen and sword thing, don’t you know?


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