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Valentine Love or Money…

Buzzfeed lures us in again. This quiz? “Will You Marry for Love Or Money?” Already married for love and that turned out with a dead guy in the woods on a summer day; I think money.

Take the quiz. What would you do on a night out? Pick which vacation you’d take. Which car is your favorite? What do you like to eat? Results? “You definitely would not marry for money. You’re too independent and have a heart.” First thought…bullshit.

When you marry for love you get all the things that go with it: Building your nest together, raising children, creating budgets. Basically, spending a good deal of time living on all that love. Would we really want to do that again? Tell the truth.

Marry for money the second time around. Think about it. Wait. I’ve thought about it for you.

He’d have to be older because, well, look at us. There’s no choice. He has to be as saggy and baggy as we are. We’re too old to hold in stretch marked tummies forever.

If he isn’t accomplished by this age, he never will be, making the choice an easy one. Easier than when we were 22 and enamored of love and all its promises.

Sex–if he’s bad it won’t matter because you didn’t marry to fill your love tank, thank you Vicki Gunvalson. If he’s good, bonus! If he’s really good, you may just get bitten by the love bug. Or at least the lust spider.

Marrying for money implies there is a lot of it. What silly girl would marry for only some? Marrying for money equals money money, not comfortable money.

You could do a few things. Bring your Pinterest closet to life. Give to charity and write novels at the beach. Stay in a hut over the water in Fiji. Go on a journey for the world’s finest pearls. And buy them. Extend the shoe closet. Add a home on Coronado so you can spend happy hour on the deck at the Del. Spa to your heart’s content.

Of course, it could get boring if you didn’t like him. What if he isn’t funny? Or smart? What if he treats the wait staff poorly? What would the trade offs be?

Regardless of wild money, guys of all stripes command the remote, snore and want dinner. Diamonds and shoes don’t take care of any of that stuff.

And what about attention? What if he needs a lot of it? Or, God forbid, you’re the girl who needs someone to say, “You’re pretty.”

“I love those shoes.”

“Why don’t we stay in, order Mexican and watch Netflix?”

What if he’s the type to watch the end of Breaking Bad without you? What if he doesn’t like cats? What if he doesn’t care for London or Paris? What if he insists on having a recliner?

What about coffee? What if French Press means nothing to him? What if he can’t mix the perfect martini, extra dirty, with three olives, no blue cheese? What if he can’t discuss politics in his sweats and yell at the Sunday morning pundits?

What if damm Buzzfeed is right?

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