A keen-eyed reader informs that yesterday was National Dress Day. My face flashes red at my ignorance. How could such a day exist and I am unawares? I feel heat rise at the excitement of being able to discuss dresses. Be a good girl and get my fan.
Dresses go back to ancient Mesopotamia. They were long, flowy and comfy looking. And shapeless. Probably because the heat was intolerable and men were barbarians. The female form could incite all kinds of mayhem for which they’d not be responsible. Better to keep it a secret than take the risk. Asshats. Of course some of those men were wearing 15 inch gourds over their penises and painting their bodies for show.
Religion came along and brought with it cover ups of all kinds. Except for the girls–regardless of faith, boobs have been as de rigueur as ogling them. Corsets and other contraptions morphed mammaries into display shelves for all to peruse. Pfft.
But let’s talk the best dresses. Dress girls unite. Those of us who prefer to throw on a single piece and call it a day are generally in the minority. There is a case to be made. Think air circulation, a choice of commando level, disguising all manner of figure flaws and legs begging for heels, the ultimate weapon.
Need a primer?
Dress for all figures: The Wrap. You know you love it. It flatters every body shape no matter how big, small, curvy or straight. Wear this one to work–every day if you can. Start a collection. You know it’s worth it’s weight in gold.
Curvy girls: Shift dresses are your go to. They skim away enough to hide a bigger middle. Take up the hem to show off your gams, you sexy thing.
Straight, no waist girls: Get the dress to do the work for you. Does it have pleats or side tucks? If you’re brave, and it’s for social reasons, cutout sides can create a waist where previously there was none.
Bigger on the bottom: Go with the flow; as in fit and flare. Choose a dress that’s fitted on top and flowy on the bottom.
And then there’s the sheath. Did your heart skip a beat? I sit, legs propped on the coffee table, heels kicked off, in a royal blue Calvin Klein that follows my curves from top to bottom. Few figures don’t come out flattered. And the choices will leave a girl dizzy. Belts, no belts, buttons, bows, florals, winter weights, all season offerings, plaids, solids, open collars, tuxedo collars, collar bone grazing and boatneck–I’m giddy at the thought.
However you wear your flounce–long, short, mini, midi, cleavage enhancing, long sleeve, short sleeve, ruffled, bowed, tight, flowy, belted, boxed or shoulder baring–embrace it. Dress like the badass you are–in a dress. A dress, and some lipstick, scares the hell out of the rest of the room.
Be that girl. Happy National Dress Day Dolls.