Do I Smell Football and Fashion?…

Two things make a girl giddy come Fall. Football and fashion. We can toss aside that sundress we’ve worn all summer. Loved it when we bought it–pre 120 degrees on the surface of the sun. After the 53rd wear, we’re over it. Tired of making sure the thin strap stays up, not wearing a bra ‘cuz the strap is too thin and no little snap thingy to keep a wayward bra in place because of, well, that damn strap.

Bama takes the field this Saturday. It may be too hot for sleeves but this girl might be rockin’ a prairie dress–one of Fall’s trends. Did you just squee? If not, you should have. It’s an extension of the boho dresses we favored this spring. I have a white one I can’t get enough of. Add a few inches to the hem and learn to french braid, and we’ll fit right in. Besides, every girl on earth looks good in billowy floral. Hint: Hides all manner of jiggle, including the arm variety since long sleeves are de rigueur. Did one of those Chickens take my cowboy boots?

Plaid, magenta and leather are supposedly making a comeback. It’s that Clueless plaid. Basically, plaid for girls with tiny butts. Magenta looks good on most. Go just a smidge darker and watch mouths gape as you stride in all suited up. Yeah–suits. Can you say tuxedo for Christmas? But the pitter patter of hearts is with the return of animal print.

For every girl who’s ever donned a leopard sweater, buttoned up, paired with pearls, the hallelujah chorus just began that slow clap that leads to a big finish. For work, hook it up with wide leg black classic trousers. If we’re going out, trade the trousers for a skinny leg offering. Not skin tight, just thin-legged. And drive all the boys wild with a pencil skirt, white blouse under the leopard and your glasses. Smart girls are smart for a reason, non?

PJ’s are back. But when they fashion tops for guys–that’s a hard no. Don’t fall for it boys. Just don’t.

Corduroy and tweed are a predicted rage. Tweed, clasp your pearls, is the stuff of herringbone. Herringbone is the stuff of Bear Bryant. Bear Bryant is the stuff of legend. And, oh girlfriend, you are not wearing an adorable little herringbone skirt for the game are you? Dying.

Corduroy. Please no. Rarely do we fall down and skin our knees anymore so there really is no need for pants that can withstand bike chains and the tumbles of childhood. Besides, colors are always heinous. Trust me. No good can come from this.

Also on the don’t list: rainbow tights, colored snap hair clips, bucket hats and tube tops. All make the list as upcoming trends. If you need to be told why not, as a grown up girl, perhaps you’d like to put your hair in pigtails and jump rope.

Big girls like real fabric, things that fit, and no snickering behind our backs. Our backsides are merely a resting place in between touchdowns as Bama races to another championship.

Roll Tide y’all.

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