Tips For Romping…Just Don’t

Evidently, the man romper is a thing. Really. It’s your standard romper, meant for chicks, made with man colors and maybe a little tie belt. Haven’t seen one live and in person, but guaranteed, I’ll laugh.

Women in men’s clothing can be super chic. Think a classic tuxedo, double pleated pants, wingtips and some ties–not bolero ties but some ties–every once in a while. For effect. Well, maybe not ties. The Annie Hall vibe can be cute, but not every day. The earth will not orbit around the sun if dresses are never worn.

Men, on the other hand, do not tend to look good in chick clothing. Unless they’re going full out. And if that’s the case–you go girl. Your makeup looks better than mine. How do you do that?

But, in the trend worthy way–no. Frilly blouses, super tight jeans with bejeweled backsides and heels do not a man make. Sorry, Charlie, you just can’t pull it off

Same goes for rompers. You look like a kindergartner when spring hits–and not a boy kindergartner. The romper itself is a onesie made to look like shorts and a shirt until you see the elastic band across the back. See? Kindergarten. Throw on some white anklets and Keds and you’re ready for recess.

At first I think it’s photoshop but no. It’s the brainchild Romphim, a Kickstarter fund garnering well over 100,000 bucks. I must have an idea dumber than this to bring in a cool 100 hundred K.

Generally, not one to tell you what to wear (much) there are tips if you insist on embracing a full grown man shorty jumpsuit.

Chicks have been donning rompers on and off for years. They’re no easy wear. First there is the rise. Unless the fit is perfect, that backside is riding harder than your thong. All day long. And it shows, unlike the trusty thong. That backside wedges deep, sharing far more than you intend.

Use the bathroom before you leave home. Or be prepared to take that whole thing off in order to pee. Could be a problem at the urinal. Just sayin’. God forbid a onesie collar brush the floor surrounding the urinal bank. Worse yet, if there is a peekaboo pouch for your favorite part, popping out of a onesie to pee is not the look you’re going for. Fashionista fail.

Most importantly, for guys with a penchant for the ladies; romper removal is no easy chore. Undo the buttons, slide over shoulders and kinda shimmy shake your way out of the contraption. It’s not sexy. Really. Promise.

For us girls, watching you shimmy out of your man jumper won’t be a turn on. Trust me. Much sexier when we can participate. If I have to roll your little romper down, I’m feeling all mommy and newborn and that’s just not gonna do it for me. Man up guys. Don some shorts and a shirt. We’ll be happy to undo those buttons later.

Basic tips for romping? Just don’t.

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