Just A Dime Size…

Is anyone else irritated with a “dime size?” Mostly in moisturizers, foundations and stuff you put on your face. The directions say, “Spread a dime size amount evenly across your face.” Either I have a face the size of Texas or dime size is a marketing gimmick. Pfft.

No one loves makeup more than me. While most people would travel, buy a house or car with an influx of cash, I would buy La Mer just to see what the fuss is all about. Unlimited funding would find me bathing in the stuff. According to lore, the magic cream is the fountain of youth. Generally I believe the fountain of youth is between our ears but radiation brought with it wrinkles and I’ll take all the help I can get.

The eyes have it.

The eyes have it.

Have you ever read how to apply mascara? Recommendations are one, maybe two, coats. Stop laughing. Everyone who loves their lashes black as the devil’s soul knows it takes about four, with a touch up before you go out, to get the proper level of thickness and flutter. The good thing about mascara? No need to spend the big bucks. My four coats a day come from a five buck tube I’ve been using since college.

Since last summer when I met the divine Miss Vanderpump and felt about 532 years old next to her facial perfection, I’ve tried for fresh faced. Is the answer gel blush instead of powder which deposits in lines and sits there magnifying pores? Asshat. What I found is a combination of both–powder to contour filled in with a gel offering; kind of swirling together. BTW, Kim Kardashian, you did not invent contouring. Those of us alive in the disco era contoured cheeks and foreheads before you were born.

There is debate over powder. No doubt it makes for a more finished look and hides a multitude of sins. The trick is to find the one that doesn’t settle into fine lines giving a “Whatever Happened To Baby Jane” Bette Davis disaster. Google it–you’ll see. Here’s a new trick. After serum and moisturizer are set, slather a small amount (more than a dime) of coconut oil over your face. Makes for a glossy base that takes off a few years. If you don’t care and wear your wrinkles proudly–good for you Liar Face! Coconut oil is at Trader Joe’s and it lasts forever.

As a firm believer that every face can look better, rosier, glowier and yes, younger, I am happy to share secrets. Want more? Just ask. You’ll never hear me say, “Oh I just woke up this way.” Or, “No, I use only a smudge of blush and a sweep of mascara.” The truth is there are more layers on my face than rings on the famous redwoods. Use this information how you will.

What I know for sure is this: Paint your face in the morning and you can meet your worst enemy anytime. Raise your eyebrow at her “natural” look and unkempt hair. It’s only the grocery store after all, right?

Bahahahahahahaha!!

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