Like You Could Just Drive By…

Did you ever think perhaps some things shouldn’t be a crime? That the offense is just so irresistible that one can hardly be held accountable for their actions given the circumstance? Like giving small children candy and feeding other people’s dogs from the table? Buying shoes you can’t afford? Or convincing oneself the occasion demands a new dress?

Such is the case in a story out of Australia. A woman was pulled over driving along about nine p.m. on a Sunday evening. Why she was not home watching The Real Housewives or Ladies of London, no one asked, but she was driving along. Evidently, she was already in a bit of trouble; no mention of what for. But the cops were looking for her.

The fifty-year-old woman was questioned and told she was going to be taken to the pokey. They asked if she had anything to declare. Seems a little more civilized than the American way of searching cars willy-nilly. Sheepishly, she handed over a green canvas bag.

The inside was filled with six-month-old Alfred, a koala bear. No lie. Just sitting there in a canvas bag, sweet as you please. Taking a ride on a Sunday night. If she’d only kept him home to watch The Real Housewives, they wouldn’t be in his jam.

She could’ve been all snuggled, little Alfred on her lap, a small eucalyptus branch in his paw. Alfie would say, “Man, that Juliet can really be a bitch. And don’t even get me started on her clothes.”

’Cuz little koalas care about appearance. Hopefully he doesn’t think all American women dress that way or stir up shit just for fun. American women would, however, put a little koala in their bag.

Seems she found her companion on the side of the road. Of course, they lectured her about Alfred being a wild animal and all. But if little Alfie is so wild, how on earth did he just jump in the car a while back and live in her home watching Real Housewives and Ladies of London? Seems Alfie recognized a good thing when he found it.

She told coppers she cared for him and by all accounts he is healthy. They say he’s a little dehydrated but you know they’re saying that just to keep other people from snatching up the little creatures and taking them home. Alfie appears to be about six months old and obviously had a crappy mom. Why else would he be on the side of the road hitching a ride?

In the end, she was taken into custody and Alfred was turned over to the animal authorities. Those in charge remind everyone, “Anyone who finds a koala should not handle it.” Pfft. Good luck with that.

Tell me you could drive by a furry-faced little baby on the side of the road with his thumb out. Asshats.

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