News Of The Day…

Catching up on the news: The good the bad and the hilarious. smile

John Oliver’s latest installment of Last Week Tonight features something known as The Salmon Cannon. Evidently, it’s gotten more and more difficult for salmon to spawn given hydraulic dams. Salmon can’t make it over the embankments and thus experience a problem completing their intended purpose. A company called Whoosh invented The Salmon Cannon to solve just such a problem. The cannon shoots the fish through a tube and out the other end safely.

There’s a handy cam at the other end so we, ever curious, can watch salmon shooting forth safely intact, ready to procreate. Oliver, as is his way, takes the story one step further building his own cannon and shooting errant fish at unsuspecting celebrities, news folk and Tom Hanks shooting a PSA. The mind wanders, as it is wont to do. Who would you shoot with a fish across the face?

Today the president is skewered by the Chinese press and, if reports are correct, average Beijing inhabitants as well. Seems the Chinese have experienced intensive manners camp in hopes the average folk not offend the leader of the free world with their plebeianism. Today our pres shows up chomping a wad of gum. Is there really anyone in America who has not heard the oldest of etiquette rules? The girl who chews gum in the street looks cheap. Bless her heart, but she looks cheap. Myself, I am far less bothered by the gum than I am by the attire. What the hell is he wearing-a silky man kimono? Did your tie blow out the window of Air Force One? Pfft.

In Florida, another sink hole emerged, this one swallowing an entire car. There have been 250 sinkholes across the state in the past year. No word on car preference. This one, a Hyundai Accent.

A study released today informs that smoking pot leads to stupidity. Or is it that stupidity leads to smoking pot? Wait, what came first, the chicken or the egg? Dude, what did you say?

A Massachusetts women was arrested for pulling the dentures from the mouth of an unsuspecting bartender. She was provoked. The bartender refused to give her another drink. So she hit the bartender in the face and ripped the false teeth from her mouth. You know, like you do. When police found the false teeth in the assailant’s pocket, she claimed they were planted. Talk amongst yourselves.

Food for thought: This simply would not happen to a girl drinking Grey Goose. We’d need a hand to cover our drink during the melee and another to grasp our pearls, leaving no hand free for denture thievery.

In Wichita, a twenty-eight-year-old man was arrested on suspicion of burglary. The woman living in the home found the intruder eating cookie dough from her freezer at 3 a.m. When arrested, the young man said he thought he was at his aunt’s house. No charges were filed. Don’t we all have that nephew?

And how was your day dolls?

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