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Late To The Game Again…

Late to the game? Yes. Do I care? No.

Until a few weeks ago, I used TikTok only for book recs. Evidently, there are those that venture to the Tok for half-naked dancing men. There is such a thing, and it’s almost as bad as being on the receiving end of the pics we keep telling boys not to send

I was going for books–of both the high and low-brow variety. Granted, it’s a Colleen Hoover love fest, but who amongst us is immune–right?

Late one night, gripped by insomnia and her wiles, I travel to the people-y side of TikTok. Well, well, well, and my oh my. Indeed, there are men dancing without shirts and advising other men on the proper treatment of women. Not sure of the correlation, I press on. Some of the wisdom they share:

Always put her on the inside when you’re walking on the street.

If she’s crazy, she’s a good one.

Open the car door and any other entry for that matter. Once more, not because she’s helpless but because you’re a gentleman.

Feed her.

Help around the house.

You know–the basics that have torn apart relationships forever. The question is, where are these men? Do they live only shirtless on TikTok? Are there any in The Dale that leave their shirts on and can be found in the wild?

The rabbit hole leads me to Blue Eyes and his commentary on ladies and the things they do that drive him mad, in a good way. It goes like this, “Ladies you know when you do that thing…” He notes a simple thing women do that he finds attractive. Things like running your hand through your hair, wearing leggings, or closing your eyes when the food is too good. Then he winks and growls. Yes, growls. And it’s strangely appealing. That is all.

MamaTot is a favorite. This sweet Alabama girl is on earth to spread cheer and goodness. She also tries shots of various brandies and whiskeys on Tuesdays so you don’t have to. Her shot glass collection is impressive but most heartening is the level of kindness and love she shares for everyone after the year she’s had. Her baby child was murdered–yes, murdered. And this girl shares the goodness of the world amongst the tragic and unimaginable, always asking if you remembered to eat today. Just in case you did not, she shares lunch daily with her followers, mainly from the taco truck, which makes me jealous of Mobilians who get to experience it.

Mrs. Clark lives in Tennessee, married to Sexy Beast. She loves him to the ends of the earth but does not hesitate to call him, “Asshole,” when he misbehaves. Like asking what’s for dinner. Your heart will break hearing her story of being in Dress Barn when a clerk, making fun of Mrs. Clark’s size, quipped, “It’s called Dress Barn for a reason.” For shame. How dare you? I guarantee Dress Barn lost business after we listened in horror through Mrs. Clark’s tears.

Wait, there’s a stitch coming. A stitch is when one TikToker jumps in on another’s post. Who appears? Blue Eyes. He is aghast, as we all are. He names Mrs. Clark one of the most beautiful women on earth and then winks and growls. Girl, you had to feel that.

Of course, there are amazing cats–I did wonder where all my Instagram friends went–the felines are on TikTok. Perhaps because they can speak freely and let their freak flags fly. Go Mittens. And the cleaning hacks. Lordy, a girl could swoon with the number of ways to clean an oven and under a fridge. OCD hacks for organization and pantries and silverware drawers. Someone be a doll and get my fan.

Hours wasted? Or possibly the recognition that we are more similar than different? That we have more in common than we think. One work chick watches Dancing UPS Guy when she needs a lift. Something for everyone.

Who knew there was a one-stop shop for all our vices? Be it dancing men (who knew there were so many?) business savvy women, vacuuming more efficiently (a favorite), book recommendations, or tarot reading (I’m getting super rich this month). Perhaps this is the reason all those young people’s faces are buried in their phones. Who knew?

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