Ladies, there’s a new murder girl in town. She’s been around for a bit. I’m just late to the party. Those of us who cannot look away from the gruesome, the bizarre and the just plain WTF are obsessed. Why? It’s the combination. This chick talks murder while she does her makeup. No lie. I heard your squee from here.
Bailey Sarian is on You Tube. I’d call her an influencer but are you influencing anything if you’re telling gross out stories and creating the perfect winged liner? Mondays are Murder, Mystery and Makeup Mondays. The key being day. Do not watch at night. You’ve been warned. Saturday offerings are just makeup. You may need a Saturday to recover from what you’ve heard on Monday. The makeup ones are fun but the murder ones fascinate, titillate and make you say, “Whaaaa?” I have even, alone in a room, found my mouth agape. Truth.
Here’s the controversy. It’s funny. In that freakish, black hearted, night stalker way. Starting with a theme song that simply will not leave your noggin (once you watch you’ll get that) and her frequent quips about what assholes murderers really are.
“Get better heroes,” she lacerates those who worship knife wielders that came before.
“Suspish,” she cries when someone in the story is getting shady.
Or the reminders that living on the fringe does not necessarily make one a killer. As a recent story about a devil worshipper unfolds, she reminds us that, “Not all Luciferians are bad people.” And, in the comments, below, there are, indeed, decent Luciferians thanking her for pointing that out. Same goes for killers that blame Muslims, gays and the ever popular, mothers, for their behavior.
Ever heard of the Cannibal Cafe? Yep, it’s a place. Or the mom who thought incest would convince her son to turn away from gay. It’s a thing. Or the woman who ran a ranch in the days of yore, advertised for men to pleasure her, then buried them on her many acres. ‘Tis true y’all.
It’s not the murder you know. It’s the obscure and the weird paired with the fiercest makeup looks you’ve seen in a long time. The girl spent pre-You Tube darling at that haven known as Sephora. She is the makeup artist with a personality so infectious, and a voice so strangely soothing that you want to call her and invite her to be your bestie.
You need her to teach you how to apply the most perfect foundations on earth. One look at her mastery of eyes that go from batwing to fire red and look amazeballs and you get the gist. But it’s more than that. This Chatty Cathy is full of surprises. Recently she blurted, “Charles Manson was a loser,” when yet another killer pledged homage.
She, too, is losing it during COVID. As she talked about the devil and one of the lights behind her crashed to the floor, we jumped simultaneously. She had to call her pup, Saint, for comfort. And when she talks of her husband, Fernando, she calls him,”Fern.”
A girl this funny and charming should have more than two million followers. And get an “A” for imagination.
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