Silly, Silly Young Man…

People send me the most interesting fare. Today, it’s a little missive titled, “10 Best Reasons to Sleep With a Hot Mom.” Take out the hot, ’cuz the guy is probably not, and you’ve got a treatise to older women. Basically, the boy is correct. Older women rock.

While his reasons are sound, his commentary demonstrates his age and maturity level so bear with me.

duchess smiles

Reason One: She won’t pressure you to have a baby. Correct. Your precious seed is not her number one concern.

Reason Two: She’s experienced in bed. Check, check, check. Not just experienced, she’s good. Asshat.

Reason Three: She’s not a game player. Absolutely true my friend. Mature boy goes on to say, “She doesn’t play head games, but she might have a few video games lying around for your pleasure.” If you leave a woman’s bed to play video games, it’s not her age anybody has to worry about. Dumbass.

Reason Four: She’s worldly. He notes, “She’s been places and done things. You could learn a lot.” Guess what? No girl worth her salt wants to give lessons. Up your game and become worthy.

Reason Five: She’s nurturing. Yep, true. But you gotta earn it. And no, she will never spoon you. Do your job then get over to your side of the bed. She needs her sleep to be a badass tomorrow.

Reason Six: She won’t pressure you to put a ring on it. No shit Sherlock. End of conversation.

Reason Seven: She’s Classy. “She’s sexy without being trashy.” It’s the pearls and heels in bed.

Reason Eight: She’s got it all together. “She’s got her life together and can help you with yours.” Yep, her life is together. Took a long time and a lot of work. Teaching another child in addition to her own, not so much.

Reason Nine: She’s not clingy. See number five.

Reason Ten: She’s Independent. “She doesn’t rely on you for everything.” You appear to be a child. Why would she?

You’ve served your purpose—now go home.

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