Day brighteners come in many shapes and sizes. Today they saunter up to sit on the porch of my mind in the form of Anna Wintour, Olivia Pope, panties and a quote.
The divine Miss Anna, who we thought lost her marbles placing Kimye on the cover of Vogue, came to her senses Monday. No word on whether it’s in response to backlash or she’s back on her meds. You remember, back in April she featured the duo front and center. So disturbed were Vogue devotees that many dropped lifelong subscriptions and even ate carbs in protest.
Turns out, Miss Wintour says it was neither senility nor Kanye’s constant nagging that placed the pair. She told an interviewer at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, “If we remain deeply tasteful and just put deeply tasteful people on the cover, it would be a rather boring magazine. Nobody would talk about us. It’s very important that people do talk about us.”
It’s possible she’s back peddling. Regardless, it points to what Vogue girls already know. Deeply tasteful neither suits nor describes Mr. and Mrs. West. And nobody shames like Miss Anna. Ouch. Her comments, so carefully crafted, left Kim none the wiser. She and her butt live to prance naked another day.
Spied on buzzfeed: “If Olivia Pope had Instagram.” I know right? Imagination explosion. It features such things as Liv drinking wine, having popcorn for dinner and pondering that all important choice–Jake or the Pres. I added a few of my own.
A photo of Miss Olivia in her plaid cape. Caption: “I don’t need no stinkin’ Batman.”
A photo with a shield and sword drawn in. Caption: “Gladiators rule.”
One more. A photo of Olivia driving a stake through the heart of Rowan. Caption: “Daddy’s girl.” Squee.
The subject of panties came up last night at dinner. No good comes of gathering Contractor Girl, Realtor Girl and Skinny Blond With Big Boobs. Yes, she picked her own name. Discussion centers around chick things. One of the girls is headed out on rendezvous. Another one is experiencing exploding business. And Skinny Blond hates the word “panties.”
We put our heads together to find a more acceptable word. Underpants sounds too granny panty-ish. Undergarments too Mormon. We decide on quinoa. Instead of panties, from now on the girls will say quinoa.
“I’ll take lace quinoa please.”
“Excuse me, are the quinoa on sale today?”
“Do you have quinoa in my size?”
Skinny Blond with Big Boobs finds quinoa a better word than panties. So, what we have to say to her is this: panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties. And panties.
And, finally, this caught me off guard enough to do that ROFL-ing thing young people reference. Do with it what you will.
“Hey. I want to smear you in green paint and spank you like a disobedient avocado.” Don’t ever say I don’t share the wisdom.