A Great Girlfriend Is…

Meeting a new friend is always exciting. When that chick also happens to be a badass, falling on the floor in happiness is not uncommon. At the office today, warming lunch, I meet such a marvel and remain giddy at the encounter. She tells her story: single mother of five, writer, general kick-the-door-down chick.

She’s written two books and her mission is to lift others to their best place, kind of a life coach for lost chicks. I walk away plotting friendship with this enlightened being. Reflection on other friendships comes to mind. What is it, exactly, that makes a friend, a best friend?

I tend to think of The Chickens as very close friends. But when push comes to shove, I am the mother. As The Supreme, I have only so much patience for shit before the lid blows off and I’m lecturing about the merits of clean sheets, tidy rooms and freshly pressed clothes. Not to mention matching panties and bras. And thank you notes. And putting dishes in the dishwasher. And would somebody please feed the damn cats. Surely, you can hear that incessant meowing. Well, you could if you turned the damn tv down. Pfft. Besides, as roommates, they don’t pick up their clothes nearly enough for friendship to reach fruition.

So what is a best friend?

Is it the chick who shares your laughter when someone falls on ice or snow? Someone who shares your lack of tolerance for all things Kardashian? BTW–the dress was, indeed, hideous. She must be related to the Great and powerful Oz–who else could make Givenchy look bad? Is it someone who shares your penchant for old movies and new housewives?

Pondering brings about a list. It’s a combo of the closest gals and the reasons I love them. And a chicken or two might be noted as well.

A great girlfriend is one who imitates your mannerisms to perfection and it’s really, really funny.

A great girlfriend holds your dress down when the wind blows it wayward and makes no comment on your cellulite.

A great girlfriend says your behavior is reaching asshat levels. She may actually be the only person unafraid to call you out on your shit. Bitch.

A great girlfriend watches you fall to the ground after a cocktail or two and acts as if that’s perfectly normal. She may even scream at the guy across the bar, “What are you looking at?”

A great girlfriend understands your marble mouth drunk talk.

A great girlfriend can order for you in a restaurant ‘cuz she knows you rarely change your order at your favorite haunts.

A great girlfriend watches three seasons of Veep with you in one weekend.

A great girlfriend gets your word jokes and the level of brain power it takes to be such a geek.

A great girlfriend listens to your troubles and then tells you to put on a lacey thong and some lipstick and get over it.

A great girlfriend will never admit you’ve gained weight.

A great girlfriend will welcome a new girl with open arms ‘cuz she knows the more badasses the better.

Most importantly, a great girlfriend would never let you walk down the aisle wearing that wedding gown. Pfft.




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