Your Tree Is Tacky…

I am offended. And you should be too.

According to those in the know, Christmas trees that do not adhere to a theme are tacky. Look it up. It’s all over Instagram and TikTok, and those arbiters of style know everything, right?

They include the trees of our childhood sprinkled with tinsel and big-bulbed, multi-colored lights. Silver and gold string garland–out. Multi-colored lights-out. Ornaments that do not match-out.

Turns out, we’re supposed to dress our trees in specific motif. Pastels, blues, and even beiges are considered better. They are preferred over that hodgepodge you’ve got in your living room.

If we follow theme, we no doubt create a stunning tree but what do we do with all the feelings?

What do we do with ornaments crafted in preschool or around the kitchen table or gifted by well-meaning relatives? Not to mention the ones strategically collected each year at Construction Girl’s Ugly Ornament Party?

I refuse to give up the small Styrofoam ball fashioned by a three-year-old Oldest Chicken. Each year, I search the ornament box to give the Styrofoam orb a place of honor. And each year, the Chickens gather to make fun of its tattered appearance and question what exactly is it? Oldest Chicken claims not to remember. This year he proudly showed it to GrandBear One. He mentioned that he made it when he was three, same as GrandBear.

Middle Chicken created a tree of three cloth triangles, another preschool offering. She looked for it. She also spied a felt tree adorned with pom pom ornaments. A tiny reindeer sparkle is mounted in a glob of glue. But the one all three offspring search for each year is the crepe paper wreath. It has a kindergarten picture of Baby Chicken featured in the center. Part of its charm is the memory of a five-year-old proudly placing it center front so long ago.

A neighbor painted a bear family. It features a Norwegian big bear, a smaller mama bear, and three baby bears. My offspring don’t remember our neighbor Allison but I do.

Bows, baubles, nutcrackers, and the famous shoe from Construction Girl’s Ugly Ornament Party fill the spaces. GrandBear Four made a beeline for the shoe attempting to place it on her tiny foot.

Those of us who love formality and all things shiny fully appreciate a theme tree. In a bigger house, this girl had a tree covered completely in flowers. But the tree where Santa lays his treasures is where he also finds cookies, milk, and carrots for the reindeer. That’s the tree labeled tacky.

So be it. You gather around your professionally decorated tree, ornaments perfectly numbered and placed. I’ll look around my tree at the faces of those who bring the joy of the season.

Besides, Christmas is supposed to be tacky.

Red and green together? Figures of a fat old bearded man all over the house? Menorahs mixed in for the newcomers? Nutcrackers when there are no nuts? Inflatables dead in the yard during the day? Have you not been paying attention? Pfft.