Someone punched her Botox V-card. Result-why the hell did I wait so long? I, and my lineless forehead, are feeling kinda special, especially after waving goodbye to those nasty 11s.
Since I waited sooo long to start, the forehead is not lineless but pretty close. Word is it gets better with time and frequency. Eyebrow raises are not quite as effective as BB (before Botox) but, what price beauty? RBF will have to clue in others as to emotion on my part.
I did put it off for quite a while. All my girls are on a regular schedule. Found this out by asking–have you ever had Botox? Not a single chick said no. Whaaaa? I assumed they were just aging well. I know they have better diets and they exercise. But what finally did it was malaise. I felt old. Old in the face. Old in the body. And kinda grumpy.
Saw Botox Nurse at a party and cornered her, peppering her with questions. Her calm voice and a hand on my shoulder, “We’ll take care of you,” sealed the deal. And she’s a former trauma nurse so there’s that. And her face looks great. She told me her age and I staggered backward. I did. It may have been the espresso martinis, but still.
I gifted my birthday self. I’m still not feeling strong enough to say what birthday but an appropriate one for Botox. And evidently, according to the world, years late to the party. At the clinic, the receptionist is surprised, “It’s your first time?!” Word spread and aestheticians congratulate me. “You’ll love it.”
The gals, Middle and Baby Chicken, are on the phone the second it’s over. Facetiming in the parking lot, we examine every poke. How many? How much? They demand daily pics to chart Project 11 Elimination.
Each day requires facial examination. It’s the side effect not mentioned. Those pores are overlarge. Can they fix that? Eyelids are more wrinkly than before. Is that possible? Is it like Spanx–you squeeze them one way but they’re bound to pop out somewhere else? Late-night TikTok has oodles of advice and now I understand the rabbit hole–the one that sends celebrity eyebrows to their hairline and the rest of us wishing we’d used sunscreen.
I’ve yet to reach the part where I think I look younger. I see the lines diminished but I’d like about 20 years erased, thank you. I wonder about the girl who said “never” and wanted to embrace age as a badass. Perhaps in addition to needles in the face, that girl should eat a vegetable and take a walk.
There is no magic. I will always be able to beat a raccoon in a dark circle contest. I will always search out the latest foundation fad. I remain on a constant quest for the answer to erasing enormous pores but if an hour at the clinic and some needles to the face can provide a lift, in more ways than one, who am I to argue?
The Duchess Diaries 