Housewives Squee…

The week is upon us. It’s a quadruple whammy in the Housewives arena. Beware television ratings; Bravo’s got the week wrapped up.

Sunday, The Potomac etiquette police, who have no manners themselves, clue us in on behavior bad enough to get kicked out of a tiny Hamlet no one’s ever heard of nor striven to live. Pfft.
And on Tuesday, the Beverly Hills girls continue the most boring season ever each trying to catch the other in a lie. Any collection of bitches teaming together to take down the divine Miss Vanderpump deserves the karma that comes their way. Watch out Rinna and newcomer Erika Girardi slash James the naked table poser. Vanderpump revenge is swift and saber sharp. Ouch.

Monday features the return of Southern Charm. The show is not housewives based but instead a group of cuties tearing it up in the South. A South Carolina state treasurer who lost his seat due to a love affair with cocaine has twice impregnated a girl half his age. A law school grad can’t get a job because once he gets to the club he just can’t go home. One girl lives on a boat and two boys are so flush with family money we get a look at what men who lunch do with their days. But the star of this show is Miss Patricia who schools us all in Southern musts.

“One cannot drink cheap wine in the heat.”

“Every day at 5 pm I require a perfect martini.”

She’s who I’m going to be in a few years.

But the bombshell dropped earlier today when Countess LuAnn of New York Housewives fame, posted the tag lines of all the girls on her Instagram. New York dolls return this Wednesday.

Bethenny says, “If you can’t handle the truth, you can’t handle me.” Nonsense Bethenny. We can handle anything except the never-ending spewage from your pie hole.

Dorinda tells us, “Diamonds aren’t a girl’s best friend—martinis are.” Can’t we have a martini while slathered in stones?

Carole adds, “I plan for the future, but live in the moment.” Makes perfect sense space cadet.

Sonja: “If being Sonja is so wrong, why does it feel so right?” You go girl!

LuAnn adds, “If you can’t be cool, you can’t be with the Countess.” Always with the zingers that Countess.

Ramona says, “”Like a fine wine, I just get better with time.” Hmmm. Is it turtle time yet?

And the newcomer Jules adds, “A Jew and an Asian waked into a bar, then they had me.” Deep thinker.

Housewives…the finest of treats served on a silver platter. Guaranteed to make you feel better about your own life.


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