The Return…

Fashion Police returns! For those of us devastated by Madame Joan’s passing and the subsequent implosion of the show, it was a night of celebrating. Until it wasn’t. Once more, I was passed over for the job. The only saving grace is Kelly Osborne did not return.
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Her last flounce off the set was indeed the last and she was not asked back. Imagine that—you can only have so many hissy fits at work regardless of the identity of your parents.
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You’ll remember Giuliana was in hot water a few months back for comments about a young woman of color, quipping that her hairstyle made her think she probably smelled like patchouli. Oops. Margaret Cho repeated the gaffe and it was actually funny the second time around. Giuliana hid her bobble head behind a pillow feigning embarrassment.

We could do without Guiliana insisting she’s part of the “in” crowd, lusting after see through clothing and remarking, “Those tatas make me want to…”(and here she motorboats for the camera-like any self respecting woman in her forties would do.) Keepin’ it classy, Giuliana.

Melissa Rivers took over hosting duties although Giuliana interjected enough, reminding viewers she’s still here. Maybe that’s what happens when you lose your main gig for not playing well with others.

Brad Goreski was there too. His suit was covered in tiny, white animals—they were either miniature flamingos or a bunch of carnations. Hard to tell. But he’s still cute and knows his way around fashion. And Miss Melissa held her own. Her mother would be proud.

“Her album is Wildest Dreams,” she said of Taylor Swift. “What dreams does this girl have left?” made us long for the Divine Joan. She told Kim K. that for this one time she gets a pass. ‘Cuz who’s gonna pick on the family that bankrolls E!

In reality, Kim needed only a pith hat and camel to complete her ensemble.

It was, however, NeNe Leakes, of Housewives fame, who stole the show.

“I thought she was a Baldy when she first came out,” she quipped of Rita Ora’s hair.

“Kanye West looked a fool. He’s ready to play basketball and she’s got the two balls for him.”

“I think Miley stepped onto the carpet and said, ‘Look at my flat, white ass. I am her to slay.’” Funny. Though no mother in good conscience can endorse any of Miley’s VMA selections. They varied from see through to naked. Evidently she’s not over her nude phase. If we all agree we don’t remember Hannah Montana will you please put some clothes on?

What’s to come of Joan River’s beloved Fashion Police? Hard to say. Hint: Hire Nene Leakes as a regular and send Giuliana back Italy.

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