Seems the duchess dolls are calling for more news of the ridiculous. Happy to oblige…
A reptile storeowner is facing time in the pokey for using a bearded dragon as a weapon. It’s not the first time. Evidently this asshat frequently puts the dragon in his mouth for fun. But when he gets agitated with employees, he beats them with the dragon. Yep, slapped in the face with a lizard. So far, dragons survive. Those of us for whom a beat down with a bearded dragon would be terror-inducing can you say pee your pants?
A 94-year-old World War II veteran who lives in Ohio is notified that he can’t file taxes ‘cuz he’s dead. Having a dead husband, I can attest to how difficult it is to convince the IRS someone is in fact dead and they will no longer be filing. But, this poor old man, who lives in assisted care, is just trying to file when his accountant reports, “Nope. Can’t. IRS has got you down as dead.” Don’t file my friend. Use the money to buy something nice for yourself. Maybe a t-shirt that says, “I’m with stupid.” You can wear it when they come to collect. Another example of tax dollars hard at work.
In news from LaLa land, you can pay; yes pay to have a water sommelier teach you to taste water. It’ll cost you fifty bucks and the purpose is for us dummies to “know our water better.” Water sommelier? He made that shit up. No word on the swish and spit.
In Berlin, a man won the right to continue to pee standing up. His landlord is suing for bad aim, which damaged the marble floors of the bathroom. Landlord wants $2200 for lack of proper hold. The court concluded that the method the man used, despite his aim, was within cultural norms. The judge added, “Despite the increasing domestication of men in this context, urinating standing up is still common practice.” Whew. We wouldn’t want our guys peeing like sissies now would we?
And, finally, a museum in Cairo had a little problem with a 3,000-year-old mask of King Tut. While cleaning, the blue and gold striped beard fell off and the guy didn’t glue it back on properly. No word on whether it’s off kilter, upside down or listing to the right. Just that the guy who did the gluing didn’t get it right. Is this the same guy with the aim problem? Are we sensing a pattern?
Can’t make this stuff up dolls. Keep it coming…