The Twelve Days of Holiday Gratitude…Day Ten

4:36 PM

Day Ten…Laughter

What would the holidays be without news of the weird and ridiculous? The season does not disappoint when it comes to strange. Perusal through the offerings provides fodder for all.

First up is a Zombie Nativity Scene in Ohio. Set up in some guy’s front yard, the manger reenactment features three wiseduchess diaries, holiday news men, presumably flesh eaten; skeletons, who everyone knows danced under the Star of Bethlehem; and of a course a demonic Baby Jesus because God certainly sent down a demon looking baby for his first crack at virgin birth. Yeah, that would work.

Neighbors are none to pleased and the city has given the guy until today to take the scene down or face a fine. He, of course, says it falls under his first amendment rights. But, really, what doesn’t? After all, scaring the hell out of neighborhood kids at Christmastime is every grown man’s right, is it not? Even the guy’s dad is not pleased telling him that anything bad that happens is due to the scene on the front lawn. Karma my friend. Karma.

A porn site known as Woodrocket.com, no kidding it’s real, gathered a bunch of its top girls, you know the ones working their way through medical school, to model ugly Christmas sweaters. Take a peek. They’re wearing only ugly Christmas sweaters and heels. What a waste of heels. Pfft.

WoodRocket doesn’t want regular letches to feel left out—they also offer an alternative site that “contains nudity and some minty anal penetration with a large candy cane.” And you thought an eggnog hangover was your biggest worry this holiday season.

A woman is being held in a Tallahassee, Florida jail after vandalizing a satanic nativity at the capitol building. The scene is “a religious diorama that features an angel falling from heaven into hell,” and was erected by the Satanic Temple. Because, by all means, if you don’t celebrate someone’s holiday, you should make sure and wreck it for the others. Did you not go to kindergarten?

The Satanic Temple spokesman said, “We think that our holiday display sends an affirmative message of inclusiveness and plurality.” There’s the Christmas spirit. We need to be included even though we don’t believe in the birth of Christ, don’t celebrate and don’t worship God. That’ gives us the right to put little devils all about a state capitol. Inclusiveness and plurality. How about derision and asshattery?

There is some good news. Seems researchers at the Wake Forest Institute for Regenerative Medicine can now grow penises. Yay! Lab grown penises come in all sizes, depending on your preference. One would also assumes that means color, shape and curvature if you like that sort of thing. Researchers report that first they grew vaginas, ‘cuz, you know, being research guys, they’d never seen one. Actually, growing working human erectile tissue is a pretty big deal.

All that’s left to say on that subject: Happy New Year ladies.

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