News of the Ridiculous…

News of the ridiculous continues to whir about our heads. What passes for news, and the public’s reaction to it, leaves little question as to our electorate. Meet some fellow voters.

Steven Spielberg poses alongside a dinosaur from Jurassic Park. Social media explodes in outrage and labels him Dinosaur Killer. Word is Sarah McLachlin is creating a teary commercial encouraging us to adopt instead of poach. Don’t you just know these girls are blond?

A new reality show is set to premier. A reality whore, I’m usually game and admit I may tune in out of twisted curiosity and an obsessive need to see other’s stretch marks. The show’s called Naked Dating. Yes, dolls, Naked Dating. Right from the get go, you’re nekkid. No easing the guy into that shit with dimmed lights and shots of Fireball. Naked and sober—what a concept.

A man is gored taking a selfie at the running of the bulls in Pamplona. At the after-run pub crawl, the bulls reportedly threw their heads back, snorted and muttered “Asshat” as they exchanged high fives.

Seems Angelina Jolie, home wrecker extraordinaire and public relations manipulator, is not happy with a little film of her heroin days. Say Ange, the way to avoid that—don’t do heroin and let somebody film it. Evidently she’s upset not because of the heroin (go figure) but because she looks unwell and emaciated. She looks emaciated every day so it must be the unwell part she’s got a problem with. May be there are no sandwiches left after feeding all those kids.

In Cleveland, a woman served multiple blows to the head of her husband, struck him with a stun gun and wrapped his head in industrial strength plastic wrap, then went to the market. When she came back, she calmly called authorities and reported her husband committed suicide. That was three years ago. Exemplary police work uncovered the bruises and now she’s charged with murder. Evidently, for three years police believed the man smacked himself around because the wife said the argument earlier in the day was “mutual.”

Gwyneth the Arrogant posed as Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany’s. She uploaded a pic for all to see. Who amongst us hasn’t donned an LBD, swept hair into a chignon, smoked from a cigarette holder and experimented with an extended sweep of liner in front of the NYC Tiff’s? But post a photo? Gwyneth you are not worthy. At least she wasn’t holding “Cat.” Pfft.

In other news, Ryan Gosling, who has been begging me for a date, finally gave up and impregnated Eva Mendes. Eva and I used to be friends. Not anymore. She knew I was playing hard to get. Bitch.

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