With Chickens home for the summer the work commute triples in time–dropping one here, one there, before my hind end ends up at my desk. More drive time translates to more radio time. Who knew Phoenix sports some damn funny radio?
Yesterday, our trio howls over a little thing called “War of the Roses.” One half of a relationship phones into the station suspecting cheating. The hosts then call the other half offering free roses. More often than not, when it comes time to fill out the card, one half does not send the roses to the other half. Busted.
Yesterday’s Asshat Boyfriend wants the card to go to Lauren. Surprise. Not the girlfriend’s name. “I cant wait to taste you again,” he wants scribed on the card. Girlfriend, not Lauren, goes batshit. Asshat hangs up. Presumably, relationship over.
Baby Chicken points out, “A girl that would call into a radio station instead of just asking is not the type of girl to break it off.” Touche, little one. Touche.
The whole thing is a little sad. Except for the part where Girlfriend explains why she thinks her man is straying. Seems her gent’s gym clothes do not smell like his regular sweat. He brought home sex sweat–and it was not hers. JohnJay and Rich, of Phoenix’ famed KISS FM, are baffled until the ladies flood the lines to confirm the smell test is, indeed, a real thing. Seems, gentlemen, there is your smell and not your smell. Ladies have great noses. Just sayin’.
Funnier still is the gem on the country station where the question posed is, “What one thing would you change about your spouse?” Here’s what the ladies had to say. Please tell me all radio crazy is not reserved for the ladies.
He needs to lose weight. He needs too much attention. He needs to pay more attention. He needs to dress better. The usual fare. Why, then, did you marry him? Ladies, if you don’t like it now–you will hate it with a red hot fiery passion five years from now. You will dream of smothering his snoring fat face with a pillow allowing you to finally sleep through the night.
But number one, based on the study which is the impetus for the discussion, has to do with the nasty. Seems the ladies want more bedroom time and the guys are falling short. Yikes. Seems it’s usually those with a penis complaining the loudest about hanky and lack of panky. Evidently, in the real world, it’s the ladies coming up short.
Is it that once the gents start doing dishes and changing diapers, they’re pooped? Is it that once they gained all that weight and had one too many beers, attention waivered away from their nether regions? Who knows?
Just seems pretty funny that morning drive time is now filled with cheaters, liars and ladies not getting enough. What happened to music?